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“I’m so excited, I’m so excited . . . I’m so scared!”

This week is dedicated to Jessie Spano and pill addictions worldwide. There are people all over this country being torn apart by caffeine addictions, but probably a couple less thanks to Aaron Spelling and his timely messages on SBTB. But if Jessie was the smart one, why was she struggling with geometry as a senior? Doesn’t geometry consist of triangles having 360 degrees and the Pythagorean theory?

If you don’t know what any of that means, just say a word of thanks and move on you melon head.

There’s a glut of things to deal with, so I’ll break it down with hyperlinks for you. First, the Baseball World Classic kicks off sometime in the next couple of weeks. If you miss the Italy-Venezuela game in pool play you’re just crazy. But yes, I will be watching so you do not have to. Baseball has elicited zero excitement in me yet, but I do want to link to Chris Thompson’s very funny post on the K-Mart Royals. It can be found here. Also, my brother-in-law will be announcing a Los Angeles Dodgers spring training game, so look for more on that in the upcoming month.

The Olympics are over and I didn’t kill Dick Button or Bob Costas! There’s always a reason to smile isn’t there? The Olympic diaries are here.

But the important issue is that this week will see the beginning of March, which means we have to talk about college hoops. So here you go.

As you all know, in fashion you can be in one day, and out the next. Project Runway – the runaway hit!

Shockers' shocking championship shocks the world

Mark Turgeon wins the cup! For those of you who are not from Wichita or currently residing therein (and are you missing out – it’s the Sacramento of the Midwest!), Mark Turgeon is the current head basketball coach of the Wichita University Shockers (which is officially Wichita State University, but I just unilaterally changed it – simply saying Wichita sounds much better than Wichita State, WU is better than WSU; look at Memphis – they dropped the State and went from Penny Hardaway’s stopover to a top 5 team). Turgeon is from Topeka, Kansas, and played point guard for KU as a short little white kid (which is what he is). But most importantly, my sister, the Erin Thompson, grew up modeling her basketball career on Mark Turgeon. Oh yes, while the rest of us wanted to be Danny Manning or Paul Pierce, Erin wanted to be a 5’9’’ slow backup guard.

Actually Turgeon was a solid player for Larry Brown (Erin – not so much of a solid player). At least she didn’t want to be Jeff Gueldner.

Turgeon took a laughably bad program to a Missouri Valley regular-season championship. Wichita has also locked up a tournament bid (yes, I’m calling it, even a first round loss in the Valley tournament won’t keep the Shockers out). The last time Wichita was in the NCAAs was 1988 under former Dean Smith assistant Eddie Fogler (what else happened that year in college basketball, it reminds me of something...). The following year my father bought all-session tickets to the Valley conference tournament. The first night, in their first-round game, playing at home, Wichita lost. So we spent the next two days watching thrilling match-ups like the Drake Bulldogs against the SIU Salukis! Fogler left after that year (maybe, I’m really just guessing, I was only 9), and Wichita sucked for the next 15 years.

I loved that tournament anyway for two reasons. One, I got a mini-basketball, and two, I saw a guy dunk a ball that then hit the guy in the head and went back up through the rim (which does NOT count as a field goal).

The point is that winning the title is quite an accomplishment. For the NCAAs seeding-wise I think they’re looking at a 7. Win the conference tournament, and maybe a 6, but I don’t think so. The bracketbuster loss to George Mason doesn’t look so great, as Mason ended up sharing the Colonial title with UNC-Wilmington (but don’t sleep on Wilmington either!) I like Wichita to win that first round game, but don’t be too high on the rest of the Valley teams in the Dance. And don’t believe the hype – 3 Valley teams will get invites unless a weird team wins the conference tournament. Forget this 4-5 bids crap. Northern Iowa is garbage.

The OTHER basketball team in Kansas

Good teams don’t lose games by 25 points. Oh, except on the road in conference to top 10 teams. It was ugly watching KU get blasted by Texas, but entirely predictable. Texas is big up front, and forward LeMarcus Eldridge is lottery-pick good. You don't think Texas remembered the ass-whipping KU put on them in Lawrence last do you? Now KU just needs to tank either the CU game or the K-State game to escape the dreaded 5 seed. Although I don’t think it really matters until the Sweet Sixteen, and I’m just praying they make it that far.

I don’t know that there’s really anything else to say about the Jayhawks this week. Julian Wright is good. Giles and Kaun played soft and need to get meaner on the boards. Brandon sucked, and should come back to KU next year and win the title. This is the slow week before the really fun stuff – Championship Week!

The Big East tournament is going to be unreal. I don’t think I’m going to be allowed back into my folk’s house after saying that, but it’s been sneaking up on me for a couple years. The first time was out of necessity two years ago, living in Seattle. The Big East tournament is on ESPN in its entirety, and no one carried the early rounds of the Big 12 tourney. And I found myself enjoying the games! The Horror! Then last year, you had West Virginia coming out of nowhere to win the conference and end up making a run to the Elite 8. This year you’ll have several top 25 teams, as well as some big-time schools like Cincy and Louisville playing desperate. Hopefully we’ll get the rubber match between Nova and UCONN – two schools looking very 2001 Duke-Marylandish.

OK, moving past my new found love for all things Big East – poor George Washington got BAD news with the injury of forward Pops Mensah-Bonsu (who, if he can return and lead GW deep into the tournament, could challenge God Shamgod’s 1998 performance in leading Providence to the Elite 8 for most valuable guy with a weird name). GW is still a mystery to me though. I’m thinking second round loss Gonzaga-style (won’t that be a fun flameout this year with Morrison crying over his insulin?), but a St. Joe's-style Elite 8 run is possible too.

Here’s your breakdown by league:

SEC – sucks. Florida and Tennessee way over-hyped (I know, last week I called out Tennessee as a team to beat). LSU is VERY good though (Glen Davis is no longer a mustached white guy Houston Astro – he’s a black guy averaging a double-double!).

PAC 10 – better than the SEC, but with no Final 4 threat. Go with first round wins for UCLA, CAL, Zona, and UW, but no further.

BIG 10 – Ohio State is good. The rest are not title threats, but probably better than the rest of the major conferences.

ACC – who knows? UNC is good, Duke is good, the rest not so much.

Do not pick Bucknell to win this year. They will be beaten soundly in the first round. Do pick Utah State or Air Force if they get in the field.

Germany wins Winter Olympics, but Italy still refuses to give them their northern territories

Can you bitch about the media bitching without being a hypocritical bitchy member of the media? What’s that? No one reads this but my sister?! Well, that’s good, then I can bitch about the media!

Why is the American media so incredibly stupid about sporting events that don’t involve the traditional American sports? They’re always shocked when Americans don’t win, and they are the only ones in the world who expected the American athlete of the day to do well. Chief examples in the past games is Bode Miller.

I’m going to defend this guy. He said stupid things, yes. But he’s said them for years. He just didn’t realize that this time people were listening. He’s stated that he skis as fast as he cans, knowing he’s either going to fall down or win. So what did he do? He went out and didn’t finish most of his races. The only shocking result was his 5^th place in the downhill, where after a fast time on the tougher upper part of the course Miller appeared to coast a little on the bottom and finished out of the medals.

So this is shocking right? I mean, he was on the cover of Time and Sports Illustrated! He’s a huge choker! He OWES us medals! Five of them! AHHHHHHHHHHHH! What’s that? He’s only the third ranked overall skier on the World Cup circuit? And what’s more, Miller’s not ranked in the top 5 in any event other than the combined this year.

Of course last year Miller was the top overall skier in the world and ranked number one in the super-G and second in downhill and giant slalom. And he won two silvers in Salt Lake. So yeah, it’s disappointing that he didn’t win anything this year. But is it really shocking that he didn’t do as well in Europe as he did in the States? And during a year that his performance has obviously dropped off after the tremendous (and possibly draining) accomplishment of winning the overall title last year, the first for an American in 30-some years?

Shockingly, there were skiers from other countries competing. Including some from a country that has had a couple of good skiers over the years, and happens to be somewhat close to Italy – Austria. You don’t think they were fired up after sucking in the USA in ’02? In front of basically home crowds in mountains they’ve known since they were old enough to stand? Oh yeah, the best skier in the world happens to be Austrian – Benjamin Raich. Oh you hadn’t heard of him? NBC ignored him? Well, he was second behind Bode last year and has a commanding lead this year on the World Cup circuit. His two golds just came out of nowhere didn’t they?

Anyway, here’s the highlights of the rest of the games.

First weekend

Opening ceremonies – oh there were weird people dancing and doing weird things to music. Haha, laugh at the Euros. But you watch for the march of nations. This is where you get to see all the flags and the outfits of every nation. But most importantly, you get to laugh at the warm weather countries that have like 3 athletes. Stupid Tunisia, cower at the power of the American skiers and skaters!

The first day of competition was a day of sports Americans REALLY don’t care about (e.g. biathlon). But the Americans did win one gold to start it off, with Chad Hedrick winning the 5000 meters speedskating. And we were introduced to Shani Davis (notable becuae he’s black! In the Winter Olympics!) Little did we know then all the excitement we’d get later in the games from the speedskaters (assholes).

NBC also showed us how they were going to handle the games as well, which was pretty much terrible. First, even if you don’t see the results earlier in the day, it’s hard not to figure out what happened. If it’s after 10 pm, the American won, ok? Something very weird and false about the commentary too. “Well Dan Jansen, if Hedrick can get a fast first lap in he could win the gold (hehehe)!” “Yes that’s true, but it’s very suspenseful!” They also show maybe three competitors. You get no sense of the competition developing at all. Just not good sports coverage.

Sunday was better. We have the halfpipe, the coolest sport in the world. Yes, when this first started I thought it was stupid. Just some bullshit the Americans threw in there to win some medals (we swept the medals in Salt Lake). But this is real competition. There are a lot of athletes doing this now. I was prepped for this event, having watched the X-Games (my new favorite thing), which were in Aspen just a couple of weeks before the Olympics. Shaun White had won his fourth X-Games in a row (and he’s only 19 I think) and was therefore the heavy favorite.

His day started rough though, as flubbed his first jump in his first qualifying run. So the pressure was on for the second run, as White had to have a clean run to advance to the finals. White toned down his run and landed everything to advance. At the bottom, he made exaggerated motions of wiping sweat off his forehead. What’s this? An Olympic athlete making a smart strategic decision AND having fun? Crazy. In his interview immediately following his run (a great part of halfpipe that should be incorporated into all events), White admitted he was more nervous than he had ever been, and was actually honest.

In the finals White did what he does best, which is go higher than everyone else and board cleaner than everyone else. In that interview White said he thought the judges were looking for that, and everyone trying to do crazy stunts and screwing up the landings just looked like crap. This kid’s instant analysis is better than any sports’ commentary I’ve ever heard at the Winter Olympics (Dick Button watch your back!).

A Fin interceded and screwed up the American sweep of the medals, but that seemed to only make the event more legit. After White found out he won, his family rushed out and White was choked up in his interview, which was a genuinely nice moment. In his later interviews White said he hoped his medal would help him pick up Sasha Cohen, which led to a great interview of Cohen by Bob Costas where he repeatedly asked her if she was going to hook up with White, while Sasha was noticeably flustered.

The first Sunday also featured the South Koreans taking their revenge on Apolo Anton Ohno in the 1500 meter short track race, taking gold and silver while Ohno did not advance to the finals. Thank god for that. Now maybe our nations can be allies again. The best part of this sport was when Ohno “cheated” to win gold in Salt Lake, and the South Korean soccer team paid homage to this when they scored on the USA in the ’02 World Cup by imitating a speed skater. You score in the World Cup, the premier athletic event of modern times, and your first thought is short track speedskating? Bizarre, but not as bizarre as Ohno needing 100 cops when he visited South Korea for a competition. Read that sentence again.

The rest of the competition

Other highlights were the Latvian miracle on ice, where they tied the United States. I still enjoyed the hockey, even though we sucked. Our final game in pool play against Russia was a great open game, with Russia winning 5-4. We also made a good comeback against the Fins in the quarters before losing. My adopted Czechs beat the Slovaks in a divorce court throw down, and also beat the Russians for the bronze, which totally makes up for 50 years of occupation and oppression.

Sasha’s cute, but choked. My fiancée says the same about Jeremy Bloom. Curling would be great if there was lots of drinking involved. Ohno won a gold later in the 500 meters and two bronzes (including one in the thrilling "mill around the ice like it's couple skate time at the school skating party" relay event). Don’t you think Shani Davis was really just Dave Chappelle making fun of the Olympics? How do you become a biathlete? Are you just not good enough at cross country so you decide to pick up shooting or do kids in Norway grow up loving this sport? Why isn’t basketball in the winter games, which is when everyone plays it?

Eight in a row and we’re all saved.

But first, what the hell is going on in the Big 12 (I refuse to use the official Big XII – it’s stupid)? I think conferences are always cyclical, but this is a bit different. The current state of the Big 12 is bad bad, and it's due to the bad management of key basketball programs.

Missouri is the big one. Once a cornerstone of the conference, Missouri has slipped to the bottom. No longer are they consistently ranked and in the NCAAs. Anyone who pays any attention to the league knows what has happened there in the past ten years, so I don’t feel like running down all the infractions and embarrassing waste of talent. Instead, I want to just look at what happened when Snyder was hired and Norm (was) retired. Of course, I haven’t actually spoken to anyone involved so this is pure conjecture.

I think the Roy Williams hire and his success led to the disaster that was the Snyder era. This story from SI in 1999 sums up the attitude of the team when Snyder was hired and really shows what was wrong from the start. First, Snyder was 32 and this was his first head job. Williams was successful in his first head job, but his path was very different from Snyder’s. Williams was not a Carolina great as a player, he started at the bottom at Carolina and worked a dozen years or so there as a coach with other talented assistants and of course Dean Smith, who has more wins than any other coach in the history of college basketball (and you KU fans that "hate" Smith for the Roy stuff, you are RETARDED, and that's all I'm saying about that for now). Snyder was a hotshot player for Duke and got that ex-player spot, which I think is probably more often going to be undeserved than spots earned by coaches who weren't stars as players.

To step into Mizzou with the idea that you're going to bring hot shot recruits and uptempo basketball is stupid. First, a young unproven coach is not going to bring enough talent into Mizzou to make up for not playing any defense. Snyder got talent for sure, but not that much. You're simply not going to go into Allen and outrun Roy, or take soft undisciplined teams into Okie State or OU or many places and win. We all saw what happened: high expectations, no defense, lots of 3s, and 6th place finishes.

K-State is the other problem. Their athletic department has done nothing but run the basketball program down in some misguided view that football "dominance" requires ignoring the other sports. Running off Dana Altman was bad, hiring Tom Asbury and Woolridge was worse and worser.

At OSU it's unclear what's happening. Eddie Sutton is slightly crazy, but his teams produced, actually getting to some Final 4s and often being highly ranked. My feeling is that it's a mistake to hand the team to son and heir-apparent Sean Sutton, who's proven nothing. I think he should've gotten a head job somewhere (Oral Roberts or Tulsa perhaps, though I don't know their coaching situations over the past 5 years) and gained some seasoning.

As for the rest of the league, Tech sold their souls for a few NCAA tournament appearances, Patton does as well as he can there in Boulder (but he's nuts as well), Wayne Morgan is a disaster. I think A&M with Billy Gillipsie and Baylor with Scott Drew have the best young coaches. Barnes is an ass, but obviously knows what he's doing. And Self's doing fine.

The lesson? The Big 12 stinks, and it's all Mizzou and KSU's fault.

But to the game last night. Hard to watch for sure. OSU is in a bit of disarray, but has some talent. Looked very physical as well. Impressive to watch Julian Wright get better and better. The guys always play with incredible enthusiasm; last night they kept their cool and knew their layups would eventually start falling.

Seriously though, this team has to value the ball more. They throw the ball away all the DAGGUM TIME. I think the problem is that these Big 12 teams are so bad they're not being punished for it, and they're not learning to value every possession. The one thing that helps is Julian and Mario throw high-risk/high-reward passes, so they're either TOs or we get an easy bucket. I don't know what the math is, but I gotta think that more shots and lower TOs, even if we shot a lower percentage, would mean a more productive offense. Instead of 20+ turnovers, if we could be around 15 then that's an extra 5-6-7 shots a game at least. Plus, it takes away the opponent's transition game as there won't be as many run-outs off of Mario's lob passes off the shot clock.

I think the NCAAs is a toss-up, of course. It's all match-ups - if we get a west coast team like gonzaga or UCLA as the higher seed I think Elite 8. If we get a Big East team we're done. West Virginia, G-Town, Nova, and of course UCONN, would all kill us, they're just way too tough to turn the ball over against 70 times like we like to and win. We go 4-5 minutes without scoring and turning over the ball 5 times they'll be up by 20 on us. Of course, this would be in the Sweet Sixteen, where a loss wouldn't be all that surprising or disappointing.

Teams playing well right now: Ohio State, Tennessee, North Carolina, the above Big
East teams, Duke, UT.
Unkowns: Zags, Memphis, George Washington, Florida.
Overated: PAC 10, OU, Illinois, Mich. State.
Done: Mike Davis and Indiana.

Decision time

We're currently in an editorial conference deciding whether to write about how bad Mizzou has turned out to be or how right we were about Julian playing ahead of Moody. Stay tuned!