A game that actually matters (don't be jealous Jayhawks)

As fun as it would be to rehash the Nov. 26th Iowa State at KU game again, I thought I'd have someone write a little about a rivalry game that has had national and conference title implications many times. And yes, it is the Big Ten, but we'll forgive them for that. So here's Tim, a Michigan grad, on this weekend's Ohio State (8-2, 6-1, ranked #9) at Michigan (7-3, 5-2, #17) game.

I sure know the Wolverines versus the Buckeyes… oh wait!

This is it, the Granddaddy of ‘em all…

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That’s Keith Jackson’s Rose Bowl, in which no Big Ten Champion will be playing this year. Oddly enough it looks as though the last two teams to smack us silly in Pasadena will be playing against each another for the national championship in a few weeks… and in the very same bowl game. It’s strange that out of the 2004, 2005, & 2006 Rose Bowls, only three teams have played in the game. Each one twice. I don’t know when the last time that happened…

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From ’91-’93 only Michigan, Washington and Iowa played in the game. But Washington played three times, Michigan two, and Iowa once. So I don’t know if that counts. But it’s not like teams keep playing the exact same bowl game year after year…

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The three years right before that, only Michigan and USC played. Well, at least there was no Big 12 team. ..

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Gotcha, there really wasn’t a Big 12 team involved until Nebraska in 2002. But I digress… For Michigan fans, the Rose Bowl is no longer our concern. All we want to do is make sure that we win the Big Ten Championship…

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Actually, as Wolverine fans, we’ve already been through the ringer. After early setbacks against the Badgers, Irish, and Gophers (fucking Gophers? Damnit!) we were pretty much ready to flush the season down the toilet. After the thrilling victories against MSU, Penn State, and Iowa we were excited again, but to be honest at this point it was only to spoil other teams’ likelihood of reaching the top of the Big Ten Standings. So really, all we want is to make sure that Ohio State does NOT win said Championship. So this game will decide it all once again…

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Not exactly, the game that means the most IS being played in Michigan, only it’s not in Ann Arbor – it’s in East Lansing. Penn State has a chance to win the Big Ten outright by beating the schizophrenic Spartans. A win and the championship belongs to the Nittany Lions. Oddly enough though, they’ve had troubles inside the glove-shaped state on numerous occasions, against both of the real schools who there. No offense Grand Valley State, but c’mon, you suck. So the big game is in East Lansing…

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Both games could play out to give us a champion. Should the Spartans fire themselves up before hand (and that is NOT a pun about burning couches in East Lansing) and can keep themselves out of the sheep pastures (that IS a reference to sheep fucking – I am a Wolverine you know, and we don’t talk about the Sparties without bringing it up at least once) then they have a chance to play spoiler. After all, it wasn’t that long ago that Drew Stanton was going to win the Heisman…

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He was playing crappy teams. MSU sucks. But if they win, all the marbles come back to Ann Arbor. Should the Buckeyes win in that scenario, they win outright, but if the Maize and Blue show up, it’s a three way tie, with Michigan holding the tie-breakers over all (insert your favorite: Penn, Ohio, Michigan) State University. So we’d be off to the Rose Bowl…

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We’ve already covered that. Winning the Big Ten gets you the non-Rose Bowl bid, but we can join a three-way tie for the championship… of one conference… that didn’t really meet expectations this year… and has demonstrated how parity could destroy college football. So we’d better get to the game itself. Since Michigan is powered by Jim Harbaugh, Tyrone Wheatly, and Desmond Howard, we should be good to go…

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We’re going with QB Chad Henne, RB Kevin Grady, and WR Steve Breaston. I’ll admit, they’ve found something in recent weeks that works. Grady has stepped up big time as a freshman for the injured Mike Hart, who last year stepped up big time as a freshman (echo, echo, echo). Breaston has shown a few play-making flashes. Honestly though, Buckeye fan should be more afraid of him returning punts then catching passes. And Henne has found some rhythm after a very shaky start. But, weren’t we supposed to be an unbelievable offensive machine this year? All these freshmen and other young players coming back. Good thing there’s no sort of curse on second year players. You know, nothing that people refer to after the freshman year of a potential let down. Nothing ever jinxes you during your sophomore year…

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Sorry, too easy. As for the Buckeyes, I don’t pay attention to them. I don’t like to know who the players are. I don’t want to know who’s good, bad, or ugly. They are a unit, a unit I despise wholly and thoroughly – wanting only to see their defeat at the hands of the Wolverines. I tell you, I pretended that I didn’t know who Eddie George was. I thought Chris Gamble was a fictional draft choice from my latest season on Madden. I don’t believe that Maurice Clarett even exists. Actually, I think most people are on board for that one. In any event the rivalry is always fun (as long as we win), always exciting (as long as we win), and always reminds me of why I’m a football fan (as long as we win, if we lose I drink heavily). This year, I’m going to pick the Wolverines to keep it close, and smack the bitches up. 31-26. If the game becomes “meaningless” after a Penn State win, give us 6 more points. We’re strange like that. Now I’m off to think about our Coach’s game plan. Good think ol’ Bo still steers the ship after all these years…

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